Things I am afraid of or fear

1. spiders ---seriously, don't go there.
2. Blood, yes blood! If it is not inside your body, there is something wrong! 
3. My teeth falling out. I have an implant with a crown on it right next to my 2 front teeth. When it was just a bridge, it broke several times and I was SO embarrassed!
4. Losing one (or more) of my kids. Not "losing" them as in I can't find them, obviously. I mean, they pass away before me. I am sooo afraid of that!
5. Losing my husband. Ugh! I know a wonderful lady my age with 4 kids my kids' ages and her hubby was killed in Iraq. I balled my eyes out! I was SO sad for her! I cannot even think about it!
6. Having no money. Scares the beegeezus out of me! That's a new word, feel free to use it! :)
7. Being on stage and forgetting my lines (I don't need to worry since it's been AGES since I've been on stage..)
8. Judgements (mine, yours, ours)
9. Not measuring up and being what I need to be.
10. Pride, jealousy, and anger

Top 10 favorite things to eat

1. Steak and potatoes. I LOVE steak!
2. Grilled salmon
3. croissants
4. chicken salad (without big chunks of celery and onions!)
5. milk chocolate caramels
6. French silk pie blizzards from DQ
7. burritos (Spanish rice, black beans, chicken, sour cream, lettuce, and cheese)
8. Hawaiian pizza
9. Dr Pepper (What? It's not a meal? GASP!)
10. anything I don't have to cook! 

I have interesting thoughts and feelings about food and actually don't like to eat but thought the list worthy of noting anyway. Food brings me no pleasure. I don't like to cook. I don't enjoy menu planning. I eat because I have to. Sad huh? 

Lists: 10 Places I want to go

1. Disney World. Seriously, this is #1 on my list b/c I want to take my kids while they are still young enough to enjoy the "magic". I first went when I was 14-totally not the same. I am hoping to make this happen for my family this year. (anyone want to donate to the fund?)
2. A Cruise To anywhere really. Gary and I were supposed to go for our 10th anniversary. It didn't happen. Now we are embarking on our 12th and still no cruise. Gary suggested we combine the cruise with the Disney thing but I emphatically refused. Disney is Disney. The cruise is for us! :)
3. Yellowstone Natl Park (also Zion Natl Park and the Tetons) As soon as sister is able to walk on her own. I want to take all the kids and hike through/visit Yellowstone. The time I spent there as a college student was priceless. Never before or since have I felt so close to God through nature. I was insignificant. My troubles, concerns, and weaknesses palled in comparison to God's majesty and glory.
4. General Conference at the Conference Center As soon as the kids can sit still long enough-we are SO there! I've always wanted to go. I will go with my entire family before Zechariah leaves on his mission.
5. Hill Cumorah/The Sacred Grove ----here's the thing: I don't just want to visit it. I mean I DO! But I also want to perform in the pageant. I will. This is on my bucket list. :) 
6. The Grand Canyon because I've never been and I want to go!  
7. Alaska-just to visit because I want to see all its beauties and wonders and I've had good friends live there and they loved it. I would NEVER want to live there though! I hate the cold!
8. England why not? There are castles there!
9. South or Central America-I will let Gary choose where as he is the one who speaks Spanish fluently and served his mission in Guatemala.
10. Heaven I desperately want to end up here. I hope I make it!

Lists

Gary and I got to go on a date Friday night. It had been a REALLY bad week and I desperately wanted to go to the temple but we were unable to get Gary a Stake President's interview for his renewal. I almost cancelled the babysitter (as we really did not have the money to pay for one-they work for free if we go to the temple!) However, I have been angry, depressed, stressed, and hurt over this past week and needed to be with the one person in this universe who loves me through thick and thin-my hubby! What did we do on our one evening out without kids? Errands. It's true! How pitiful are we? But hey! Those errands got done in 1/2 the time they would take with the kiddos. First, we went to Massage Envy to book Gary's massages he still had left on his contract and then we cancelled his contract. I booked a jewelry show in the process! :) After that I stopped at Subway for my fav sub, Chicken Bacon Ranch. NumNum... I am salivating! After that we went to Lowe's to pay off my amazingly awesome Dyson vaccuum that I bought for myself. Then we headed to Target for some Valentine goodies and mayo for my "famous" potatoe salad Gary offered I would bring to a CID get together on Saturday. Pulling out of Target we saw it was only 8pm!!! So we went to BAM. (Books a Million to those of us from the old school) I had not been there yet but Gary and the kids had several times. Gary LOVES book stores! I think it borders on obsession. It runs in his family actually. You should see his brother's house! They don't even read all these books! They are just there "in case I need the information someday". Ummm, yeah that's what the internet was created for! :) If I had $500 extra every paycheck and gave it to my love he would buy more computers and books. My little nerd. Wow, I am long winded today. This whole story is to get to this point: I saw a list book at BAM. Seriously, it was just a book where they had one phrase at the top of the page like "Places you want to visit". Every page had a new topic and a whole page dedicated for you to write down your thoughts. I thought it was a fabulous idea to put on my blog. Since I am so sporadic with updating it anyway, not many people follow it or read it. I originally intended it to be a means for which the Grandparents could see updates and pics of the kids but I don't think they have ever read it!
Since I was sad, depressed, fustrated, etc,etc last week (and in light of Feb-the love month), I thought I should start with this list:

10 Things I love about my life right now 

1. My children are happy, healthy, and friends with each other
2. I get to stay home with my children every day (I even homeschool them!)
3. My house is beautiful. I love my house. It is comfortable and calm (most times) and my sanctuary.
4. My husband loves and adores me. (He even thinks my belly isn't horrendously disgusting like I do!)
5. I love and adore my husband. He is SUCH a good man. I could go on and on about how good I have it but will save that for another blog post.
6. My truck. It is paid for, big enough, and a diesel beast. I love it and have decided NOT to sell it!
7. I have a girl! Emma Lee is practically perfect in everyway. She is such a joy and has made our family so different already. I am different because of her and that makes me happy.
8. My Premier Design Jewelry business is doing GREAT! I have a good team of girls and friends around me and my home shows are bringing in good, desperately needed money
9. I love my ward. The people are so strong in the gospel. They love each other, support each other, and genuinely care about each other. I am going to be SO terribly sad to leave them.
10. God is guiding us to get out of the Army and embark on a new advetnure/chapter in life. While this freaks me out like nothing I've ever done before-I know we are in His hands. He loves us and will guide us.

There you go. List #1 of a whole list of lists :)

The Unknown

I thought I had a plan. I thought that I knew what I was doing and where we were heading. Now, I don't. I am entering the unknown. I am trying and forcing myself to be of good cheer, to trust in the Lord, and to "ask and ye shall receive". All I am sure of right now is that the future is going to be full of challenges, trials, triumphs, and blessings. I guess we should get on with it!

Bring it 2012!

Today's thing to remember

Background:
Thursday Jan 4th, I flew to GA to train my Aunt Sis and bring her on as my newest Premier Designs Jeweler. Her training show was on Sat night. I came home Monday afternoon. Jennifer Geibel had watch my kids Friday and Mon and picked me up and dropped me off at the airport. She needed someone to watch her son Chance today so I offered. This morning, I was trying to get everyone ready for the day and fed and out the door for a 9am piano lesson. I got 4 of them out of the house and went in for the others and my purse and to cage the dog. I come out and there is a snowball fight going on. Did I mention it snowed yesterday? sniff, sniff, I want to go back to GA! Anyways, I tell the kids in a very stern voice to get inside the truck. Then I said something like this, "I am done! I am going to bring the hammer down on your butts when we get back from piano! You will do a full day of home school. You will clean the house. You will be obedient and say Yes M'am or you will suffer the consequences! Do you understand me?"
Then I drove to Tina Stevens house for piano and dropped Zech off for his lesson then drove to Sam's to fill up my truck's ever empty gas tank. I then drove back to piano and sent Gabe on his way. While I waited I did Zech's Grammar with him. When Gabe came out, we headed home. I pulled into the driveway and turned off the ignition. Gabriel was saying something to me under his breath. I asked him to speak up, he said it again barely above a whisper, I still couldn't hear him---there were 5 boys and a baby in the car! I asked him to please speak louder and he dissolved into tears. This was the conversation that ensued:

Me: "What's wrong???", I asked my sweet son.
Gabriel: (b/w chokes and sobs) "Remember, (choke) you said (sob) you were going to (sob louder) spank  us (FULL SOB) with a hammer (choke, sob) when we got home? (more crying)"
Me: "What? No Baby! I didn't say I was going to spank you with a hammer!"
Gabe: "Yes you did!" (yelling and sobbing uncontrollably now)  
Me: "No I most certainly did NOT!!!"
Zechariah: "Mom, you said you were going to bring a hammer down on our butts and spank us with it when we got home."
Me: (light bulb and recognition as to what I said and what this must have meant to my little boys) "Oh hunny, NO! It's just an expression used to mean that there is no more playing around! We are going to get to business and not mess around! I would NEVER hit you with a hammer or anything else in this world! I am SOOO sorry I said that and that you thought that!

Well, after hugs, kisses, and drying eyes we went inside and I brought the hammer down! :) just not on their bottoms :)
We did a full day of school, ate lunch, and kinda cleaned the house.

 Moral of this story: Watch what I say. My babies are listening even if I don't think they are and their hearts are softer than I think and they are sweeter than they let on!

Family Photo Session

Christmas was approaching. I was finishing my calendars that I create for both sides of our families and I realized that I did not have any family pics with Emma! I am a terrible Mom!!! I called my good friends, and Premier baby, Kiersten Isom and she did a shoot with us. Here are a few:  Enjoy!

 Ammon is really a drop dead gorgeous little boy but here he has such a goofy grin! I love this little guy but lately I have tried to pawn him off to my FB friends because he gets into EVERYTHING!!! I know he needs more of my time but I feel like I can't give it to him right now! I am hoping I can work through this quickly though.

 Elijah rules the roost (or so he thinks). He was named "The Beast" this summer by his 2nd cousins and it kinda stuck. He wants what he wants when he wants it and doesn't hesitate to use any means to get it. He tests me and tries my patience yet he is an incredibly loving and happy go lucky child! His antics either send me in hysterics or into hysterical laughter!

 I consider little Ms. Emma Lee our gift. She is SUCH an easy baby. You see this face? She cut 2 teeth on this day! She is amazing! She is quiet and patient and I love the stage she is in. As soon as she sees me she gets a huge smile on her face and kicks her little chubby legs. Precious!

 Our family photo attempt. Not bad huh? I like it!

 Gabriel, my angel. That is my name for him for that is the way he has always acted. Lately things have been a little rough though. I don't know if it's a phase or just a change in dynamics in the house (or both) but we are being challenged right now. He has a deep sense of right and wrong. He is trying to choose the right and is very good at apologizing when he doesn't. I am trying to get him out of Zech's shadow and work on his interests and developing his own self esteem. This is an onward struggle. he is sensitive and I am not. So, I have to be aware of his needs and not inflict my view of how/ who he should be on him. (Motherhood is hard!!!)

Gary made me cry when he said, "This is the most beautiful picture I have ever seen. These are my girls!" 

I am so happy, blessed, and flattered to be "his girl" and I know Emma Lee is too! 

This is the best picture I have ever had of Zechariah. I love it! 

Zech: My first born, my blood, sweat, and tears (literally at times) turned 9 yesterday! 

Zechariah, my Jekyll and Hyde. That is what I've always called him. One minute he is the sweetest, most amazing boy and the next he could be raging about something. He has largely grown out of this but there are still some harder days in the mix. He is impulsive. He is hyper focused. Right now he is focused on Harry Potter. He is currently reading the 6th book. He started the 1st one about 5 weeks ago. He is smart! 

 

Yes Zechariah turned 9 yesterday and I wept. Where did the time go? He is so different. He is growing up so much, so fast. He makes his own lunch, he reads to himself, he puts himself to bed, he bathes himself. On one hand, I am very grateful for this as I have my hands full and my time occupied with the other little ones. On the other hand, I am sad. I miss the days that he would join me in bed to snuggle before we started the day. I miss him plopping down in my lap with a book asking me to read to him. As he gets older, more things will change and I will have to adapt. I am beginning to realize how much I have to live in the now and enjoy each moment I have with my kids while they are young. I am sympathetic to my Mom and MIL and their many tears shed for their children who are grown and gone. UGH! I can't think about that right now! But it certainly helps change my mood when I want to wring Ammon and Eli's necks for pouring water out of the tub and it leaks through the drywall ceiling downstairs! :)

 

Wow! How did a simple family photo post turn into that? :) Oh well, that's what blogging is for right? 

Rants, raves, and tangents.