Cripple

Last Wednesday morning started like any other morning. Ammon came into my room around 6am because he needed to potty. After he did his business, he climbed into bed with me for about 15 mins of snuggles, then asked if he could go downstairs. I got up and went downstairs to feed him. Gabriel was the next one awake. Zechariah finally woke up around 7:00am. Elijah was still asleep. I got cereal out for everyone, said prayer with them, then went upstairs to take a shower. I took special time picking out my outfit that day. I felt good, I wanted to look cute. I had found out that a week before that I was pregnant and knew my skinny days were drawing to a swift close. So in honor of skinnyness, I picked out a pair of jeggings (yes, I have those-one pair!) I had found them on clearance at NY&Co while shopping with my SIL, Kimmy. They were brown and felt GREAT on me! I slid on my brown cowboy boots over them, put on a cute top, and completed the outfit with my Premier jewelry. I was hot! And ready to get the boys dressed and out the door for school. I heard Eli in his room. Finally! He was awake! I went to his room, scooped him up in my arms, gave him hugs and kisses, and started down the stairs. Then it happened....

The front on my boot slipped, my heel caught on the edge of the stair, I went down on my knees, and started falling down my stairs. There was nothing I could do. So many thoughts and solutions went through my head but the only one that prevailed was, "No! No! NO! NOT ELI!!!"
I held him to my chest and tried to throw my body back as I was falling so that I wouldn't roll head over on top of him and crush him. When I got the the end of the stairs, Zechariah came tearing around the corner. "Mom, MOM! Are you ok?" The only thing that I wanted was to check if Elijah was ok. He was screaming and I couldn't tell if he was hurt, there was just one problem: I didn't have the strength to get him and look him over.

"Go get Aunt Sarah", I said. Zech was gone in a flash. Sarah and Zech came back and I told her I'd fallen down the stairs with Eli, I couldn't move yet, and to please check him out. She felt his head, look him over, then turned her attention to me. She asked Zech to get the phone and dialed 911. I totally did not think it was bad enough to call an ambulance. I kept telling her No! I don't need an ambulance. Just call Gary. I figured he could take me to the Dr. if I needed to go. Sometime during all this I tried to move and grabbed my right knee because it was hurting worse than the rest of me. My hand came away covered in blood. I was shocked! I had no idea I was bleeding. Zech and Sarah took off my stupid boots (which are now in the trash) and helped me peel off my jeggings so that we could see the source of the blood. YIKES! There was a nasty tear on my knee that was gaping open and just plain gross. Sarah went upstairs and brought me down some different pants to wear that were going to be easier getting on and off. The paramedics showed up and strapped me and Eli to those awful back board things and took us to the hospital. Eli was madder than a hornet at being strapped down. Gary had made it home by then and was trying to comfort him. Gabriel is Elijah's buddy and protector and kept bringing him balls to play with and trying to sing and talk to him to calm him down. Finally we were ready to be carried to the ambulance and taken to the hospital. Once there, they checked out Eli who was discharged immediately. I mean, the kid was laughing and playing and trying to run around! Aunt Nancy had shown up to check on me and took Eli home. I then spent the day getting X-Rays, an ultrasound, 4 stitches in my knee, a immobilizing brace, and crutches.
Every day gets a little better. I can bend my knee a little now and put weight on it.

There are blessings in all things too:
. 1)This was the day before Veterans Day so Gary had a 4 day weekend where he could take care of me and the boys. I do not know what I would have done without him.
2)The ultrasound found a hemoraging cysts that I didn't know I had and will have to keep an eye on.
3)The 4 day weekend plus me being laid up provided a good opportunity for Gary to work on his school work and get one class finished (almost).
4) Not being able to do for myself gives others an opportunity to help. I am fiercely independent and try not to ask for help but have had to many times over the last week.
5) I am learning patience. I HATE to be slowed down, at the mercy of others or my own bodies inabilities.

In conclusion, I am a cripple and it is inconvenient and frustrating. But I am learning to chill out and take it easy and this is probably exactly what I needed. ~Plus my husband has been amazing! He has doted and cared for me in a way that he never has before. Not even when I've had my babies! But I am not a sickly, needed person and he has never had to or I have never let him. What does that say about me? What does that say about our men? They need to be needed. So I will take off my Wonderwoman cape for now, hang it up in the closet, and rely upon my big hunk of a man to care for me and love me. After all, I do not want to do this alone.